A Time to Heal
It has been nearly two months since I typed anything here. I was on the verge of a divorce last time I wrote. The lawyer had been paid and I was ready to start a new life without the chaos of the man I was with. One day we spent 12 hours texting nonsense back and forth, which sent me to a new level of disgust.
Then I got the text, “Cody has had a massive heart attack. He is waiting on a heart transplant.” Cody is 30 years old and in great shape. He is a personal trainer and musician/singer. He is the son of friends of ours. Suddenly everything we were fighting about seemed so small. I was hurting for Cody’s mom and dad who had lost their other son to a heroine overdose a few years back. I was speechless. I burst into tears.
The next day I walked into the garage and saw our dog laying limp and lifeless next to a pile of dog crap. His last act on this earth was to let loose of his bowels. The stench of my dog and the stench in my soul prompted me to send a text to him that said “isn’t it crazy that other people are having real problems and we are creating stuff and calling it a problem.”
My heart and mind began to move another direction. Were we really giving it our best in this relationship? Am I really my best me? Is he really his best him? Are we allowing outside forces in our home and causing problems? Are we truly treasuring one another? Are we loving like we could lose one another at any time? What could we change? How could we change? Was I changing through my new rituals of breathing, praying and flipping my hour glass?
Two days later we called our lawyers and asked them to stop everything. We made a decision to be focused on one another. To be attentive to what is causing pain. We decided to communicate more of what is on our minds instead of holding it all in until an explosion occurred.
We began to flip our hourglass together and breathe in Gods goodness and flip again to pray. Every morning we do this together. If one of us is out of town, we FaceTime our prayer time.
I have felt myself changing gears in this life. Maybe some people slow down at 53, but I feel momentum building and a sense that these next 50 years are going to be an awe filled adventure.
