Tired of the Same Old Conversations

Aren’t you just sick of the same old narratives and news cycles? Tired of hearing them discussed among friends and family? Things that don’t even affect me, are affecting me! I’m being dragged into chaos and other crap, when I’m just trying to enjoy a good meal with family and friends! I‘m listening to others vent and grunt, just because I’m in earshot and can’t get away.

I’m sick of hearing about LGBTQLMNOP, violence, crime, hate, disgust, racism, bullying, fighting, and sex. Can someone please just paint a rainbow on the side of a building and it be a rainbow? Can someone please do anything without an agenda? Can someone please tell a joke and make me laugh? Or am I seriously going to have to get an ice pic and gouge out my own ear drums?

On second thought, I do love to hear my daughter sing, so I’ll spare my hearing and just cut you from my circle if you can’t change your behavior.

Well You Don’t Say

Why is it that we get annoyed with people when they say something that is obvious? I mean, what’s wrong with someone knowing something that you know already, and telling you about it? haha!

The worst is when you know a lot about something, and someone else only knows a little, but they tell you what they know like it’s new information. I just want to say NO DUH. The crazy part is, they have no idea you already know it, so what’s the big deal? I have no idea, but it will get under my skin every time. I try not to interrupt, but usually I do, and I hate that about myself.

Them: “You remember your good friend Bob White?”

Me: “Yes.”

Them: “He’s getting married next weekend!!”

Me: “Yes, I’m going to the wedding.” (Now why am I annoyed)

What about this? Have you ever been minding your business and someone say “you look bored”. Oh my gosh. Are you kidding me? I’m literally minding my business enjoying the evening. Or what about this one, “you should smile”. Really? Now how would it look for a woman to be sitting at the bar eating with a huge smile on her face.

Last one. Have you ever been with someone who asks you “are you okay” throughout the night? I was okay until they asked a few times, now I am getting NOT Ok. Things that can trigger a mood are purely ridiculous.

I have learned that my brain has the weirdest combinations of buttons that cause my emotions to buzzzzzz, and controlling those emotions is possible. I breathe slow and say to myself “green goose green goose you are in control.” Just kidding. I don’t say anything.

Question: What is the dumbest thing someone has said to you as a pick up line or flirting line? Do you get annoyed with others when they are Captain Obvious or ask you if you are okay? How do you control your emotions?

Another Valentine’s Day with Hope

Two years ago, I blogged right here the day after Valentine’s Day. It was a hopeless day. I was sad, depressed, leaving my husband, and getting ready to split everything we had built together right down the middle.

However, after the lawyer was paid, we made a decision to become BETTER VERSIONS OF OURSELVES, and we actually did it!! We pray together, focus on being patient listeners, not finding fault with what the other is saying, encouraging each other, and most of all respecting one another.

I don’t respond to things like my husband, and I don’t see eye to eye with some of his emotions, but that’s ok. I don’t have to. I am not responsible for anything he does or says, I am only assigned to him as a separate human on great big rock trying to hold on.

We now work hard to build each other up daily and provide a safe place to fall when we aren’t our best.

It may sound a little odd, but I had to lower my expectations. I don’t want to be put on a pedestal, and I don’t want to put someone up where they can’t fall like everyone else. People fail. It’s reality, and it shouldn’t be the end of the world and thrown in their face when they do

Sometimes I think we want our mates to be better, look better, act better and keep their things organized better than they want for themselves. Hey. Relax. Life is shorter than you think and nothing is worth losing your partner over. I sure do do love my “everyday” valentine. He shows me how much he loves me everyday of the year.

Foundation?? What About The Roof?

This morning I woke up thinking about a “firm foundation”. True. It started in Sunday School when I was a kid. “Build your house on a rock and not sand!” But Guess what? A foundation is worthless without walls and a roof.

The roof and walls are different from the foundation, they need maintenance. They are constantly battered and bruised from wind, rain, and life. The roof has to be repaired every so often, or it becomes leaky and provides no shelter in a storm.

I see Jesus/God as my foundation. They are rock solid, but I am the walls and the roof is the Holy Spirit. The Spirt (roof) covers me and protects me as long as I am maintaining my walk with Christ. If I turn my back on my Christian walk, and become full of the world and love the things of the world, my roof is no longer protecting me.

Yes, God is still there. Jesus would never leave me when I stumble and fall, the foundation is secure. However, when the storms come, and they will, and your roof is full of holes, because you aren’t allowing the Holy Spirit to cover you…you’re gonna get wet.

Hopefully this analogy makes sense. I have to work on myself daily to keep the Holy Spirit active and covering me like a roof, so my house will continue to stand strong on my “JESUS” foundation.

A Pimple and a Sparkler

Life is like a pimple. One pimple on your face is such a distraction. It dominates so much attention. You mash, cover it, doctor it with creams, but it is still there. Meanwhile the entire rest of your face is fine. The point is that so often we let something small dominate and take over out thoughts when we need to stop and say God you are in control, and I know this is a temporary issue. Focus on all the things that are not the few bad things!

But what about the sparkler? Well we have these events in our life that are igniting. Sometimes they are exciting events that we planned, some are unplanned and then some are explosive events we never expected. Some we light ourselves and some of these explosive events are lit by someone else. Either way we experience it! When it is over we are left holding a burnt out piece of metal. There is no purpose that holding it can serve. It only handicaps our movements because it hinders our abilities to use our hand. It’s time to drop your burnt sparkler and live in the now. Trust God to lead you on a path of restoration from explosives and the joy of new excitement in fresh new ways.

All In A Day

Today I said “Happy Birthday” to my 96 year old granddaddy. I said “I’m praying for your family” to my daughters friend who’s dad died today, but he wasn’t very old, I said “Is baby Leticia here?” to the couple that is expecting their baby and are naming it after me. I said Merry Christmas to the strangers on the other end of the line with a foreign accent. I got frustrated, excited, sad, happy, tired and confused all in one day. Thats exhausting.

So much can happen in a day. As I look back over the string of days in 2021, I don’t know if I made the most out of them, but I’m trying. I know I didn’t make the best decisions, but I have argues less, loved more, and I am ahead financially so thats a good thing.

I wish I could say my relationships with friends are stronger, but they are about the same. God keeps blessing and leading me so at the end of the day, I feel good.

Thankful

Just thankful tonight. I can’t say thank you God enough for keeping my little family safe and together. We have had some real struggles. Satan loves to try to remind me of “things”. Things from the past that will never be the future. I know that there have been some awful situations we have weathered, but God’s GRACE is sufficient and HIS LOVE and protection is felt daily.

If you are wondering how I know God is real, it’s because I can feel Him. I trust Jesus and feel His presence. I know George Washington was real, but I don’t trust him for anything, and I have never felt George’s presence. If you can’t feel Jesus, or if you feel lonely reading this, the Bible tells us that before Jesus died He said he would send us a “comforter” the Holy Spirit.

He watches and waits for us like a father waits for a child coming home. With expectation and longing, Holy Spirit just wants to be with us if we will allow it. Surviving this world without peace from God is unimaginable. An atheist once asked me if I could convince him God was real. I said “thats not my responsibility. That’s God’s responsibility. If you want to know ask HIM to make Himself real.” Years later he was hanging off a cliff in Oregon. Stranded and facing death. He sent me a letter and said “I prayed to your God and someone rescued me from the mountain. Now I have more questions!”

God bless every reader tonight and fill them with peace and joy. (if there is a reader!)hahahah!

When God Leads

I was walking along the beach this past week. There were tons of small shells laying one the sand for more than a mile. Piles of them at least an inch thick. As I was walking, I thought about all the times I use to love digging for shells. I would find an area far away from the shore and I would dig and dig until I would find the most beautiful conch shells and other large shells that aren’t on the surface. They are buried a foot or more down from storms and surges.

Suddenly, I veered off course and walked up about twenty steps and stopped and dug. Sure enough, my first dig produced an amazing, fully in tact, large shiny orange shell. I was so excited I dug some more. I didn’t find anything so I moved to another spot. This continued until my arm, shoulder and back were killing me. I was so determined to find another beautiful shell that I WAS WILLING TO CONTINUE IN PAIN JUST TO PROVE I COULD FIND ONE. BUT…I never did.

After nearly an hour of digging, I gave up. I headed back to my walking route near the water, and as I walked, it hit me! The shell had taught me a lesson.

When GOD leads you you will find what you are looking for. If HE isn’t in it, all the work you are doing is wasting time and energy, and it could be causing you physical pain. Sometimes the good things aren’t the easy things. I could have easily picked up plenty of shells on the surface, but they were small, and not what I wanted. The one I wanted was deep under the sand and took work to get to it.

There was nothing special about the spot I first dug, other than something led me to that spot. I thought that because I had easily found the first one when I dug, that I would easily find another one. Determination without God is just exhausting movements. Determination with God are movements that are exalting.

I’ve Been Stumped

Several months ago something happened that sent me into a downward spiral. There are these combinations of lifetime patterns that create disappointment and regret, and I thought I was in a place in my life, marriage, and family that I was maturing and handling the “things” better. The previous month I had experienced a few issues that were similar, and I can only describe to you what I felt and what my mind saw. (Let me add that I WAS AT FAULT, and I take responsibility for my actions.)

I could see myself as this great big beautiful tree with long branches and shiny green leaves, and with each disappointment the previous month, it felt like an axe whacked a chunk out of my trunk. Suddenly, and without warning the last event felt like a chainsaw had cut me completely down. Within 24 hours I had gone from feeling happy and content to miserable and lost.

I could see the tree (which was me) laying on the ground and I knew it couldn’t be added back to the stump. As bad as I wanted to be that tree again, I knew I never would be. I was the stump. Lifeless. Feeling that my purpose was gone. Miserable as a stump, because I liked being a tree!

As day after day passed, the leaves turned brown, and I cried secretly in my closet just once. After that I felt no emotion at all. Not even real sadness. Just complete loss. I couldn’t formulate my prayers just right. I didn't want to see anyone, because I can’t hide my emotions and I knew they would know something was off. My sadness moved to full out depression within a month. I stumbled through week after week for 8 weeks. TWO MONTHS. Thank God it was only two months. THEN ONE DAY I HAD A VISION. MAYBE THIS VISION IS FOR YOU AND GOD ALLOWED ME TO EXPERIENCE BEING STUMPED TO SHARE THIS WITH YOU.

Here it is:

I saw people making things out of the tree that had been cut down. There was a table and chairs, a swing, a baby bed and lumber that was being used to built a house. I couldn’t believe it. That old me laying on the ground was being used. God let me know that when you are cut down, understand that the season for that part of you is over. You are being cut down or pruned for a reason. There is a new purpose for your life. That stump that looks and feels so lifeless has roots far deeper and stronger than branches that can be broken or chopped on.

No longer the big tree that is strong enough to hold up a swing or give shelter, but instead a stump. A stump that looked dead to me in the mirror. But as I stuck to the principles and beliefs that tell me God is ALWAYS with me and GOD has my future in his hands, I would pray these words, “God help me. God help Ken. God help the world.” That was all I could really get out. Suddenly, as I watched others enjoying parts of my dead tree, sprigs of life began to pop up from the stump. I realized I was turning into a different form of the tree, but with the same roots! A bush! LOL! (I told my friend I needed to find ways to use my bush and she laughed)

Anyway, so many things can chop down your tree. Divorce. Suicide. Empty Nest. Sickness. Incarceration. Job loss. Pandemic. Being bullied. Death. Feeling useless because of something someone says

I am here to tell you that without God in my corner, I don’t see how it is possible to recover. God gave me the vision, and I know that being a stump is real. If you are “stumped” today, begin to name your roots. Those roots go deep and they are called LOVE, JOY, PEACE, LONG SUFFERING, FORGIVENESS, GENTLENESS, KINDNESS, MEEKNESS, HEALING, STRENGTH, HOLY SPIRIT, FAMILY. Whatever it is, you can be ok. Just wait for it and know that its ok to be depressed, but recognize it as temporary and just keep telling yourself “this is not me and my healing is on the way.” Denounce Satans lies each time they run through your mind. Speak out loud to yourself the name of Jesus.

Judging You

Tell me this. If you see a woman walking down the street in a boho outfit and flip flops, what crosses your mind? Successful business owner? Free spirited and living pay check to pay check? What about a woman who has a long curly ponytail and big breasts with a slightly low cut top on versus a woman who has a short hairdo flat chested and wearing a conservative blouse up to the neck.

Lets go one step further. An extremely fat woman is eating a cheeseburger and fries at the table across from you. Thoughts?

We live in a society where the “Miss Alabama/America/Universe” is based on how good you look, how well you walk, how athletic you look in a bathing suit, and how put together you are in your memorized answer interview. Thats right. There is a time of prep work where you will spend hours watching the news and practicing answering questions the judges will throw at you.

You may develop an eating disorder preparing for the competition or you may learn some great eating and exercise skills that will stay with you for life. As 41 girls from across a state come together, people who don’t know them study their file and begin marking in a column. Yes! beautiful. No. Not so much on the photogenic department. Yes. Very talented!! No. A little off key. Yes! Muscular and full of energy No. Cellulite and no calves. YES! Community involvement and creativity! No. Think of a better platform missy.

Here is the top 10! The rest of you didn’t cut the cheese this time, but try back for the next five years and you just might be the one we really like!!

I was in the Miss Alabama pageant back in 1989. I was all in. It is an amazing opportunity for girls to get a scholarship to local colleges! I’m not downing the system, I just really think its weird that we literally judge people on their looks. Sure, they throw in that you need to be smart as well (academics matter!), but sometimes you aren’t a brainiac in school, you aren’t tall and muscular, but you still have so many gifts and ideas that you can't use because there isn’t a way to show them to anyone.

I wish there was an organization that offered scholarships based on ideas you want to implement in the community or just real life platforms that you were passionate about even though you aren’t a beauty queen or king.

When a Dream Becomes a Burden

It was 1985, I had just finished basic training at Fort Dix in New Jersey.  I was on my way to San Francisco, CA, to the Defensive Language Institute to learn German before starting my new job in the US Army.  I had joined the Army because I didn’t know what else to do.  I thought it would give me interesting things to do and see.

 I had spent my life wanting to go to Nashville and sing my original songs, play guitar and be a country music star.  I had a notebook full of lyrics I had written. When I was 12, I sang in Nashville at the Gospel Music Convention with my siblings as the McCarley Trio. It was an overwhelming feeling of joy.  We traveled and sang with so many wonderful groups, it was what I was born to do (or so I thought).

I was 18 years old.  It was my first time away from home, and this little soldier was headed to CALIFORNIA! As I flipped through the back of a magazine, I saw an ad. 

“Recording Studio-K-ARK Studios in Nashville, TN looking for talented Singer/Songwriters Call- Ron Grady at xxx-xxx-xxxx”

I quickly ripped it from the magazine and starred at it holding my breath. That tiny two inch square of paper! Why couldn’t I have found this BEFORE I joined the Army for four years.  Suddenly this tiny square of paper was more than an ad, it was my life.  I would spend years pulling it out and looking at it.  I prayed over it.  I claimed it.  It was MY dream, it was MY treasure and it would by waiting for me one day.

 The sad part about it was that because I was focused on what SHOULD be happening in my mind, I missed what was ACTUALLY NEEDING to happen. The Army became a prison, activities were fillers, things were holding me back.  I couldn’t embrace now because I was lost in later.

How many times in life do we get stuck thinking something is best for us, when it isn’t. Then, we lose sight of chances happening all around us because we are stuck on what we think we know.

Fast forward to 1992.  A small group of friends took me to the bus stop in Montgomery, AL.  I didn’t own a car.  I had my suitcases and my guitar on my back.  (Truly a country music song in the making.) I was moving to Memphis to be with my mom.  It was the closest to Nashville I could get, but it was a SIGN! I was getting closer.

 As we waited for hours on the bus, we realized…it wasn’t coming, so the next day, a few friends drove me to Memphis. 

I pulled the little piece of paper from my wallet and dialed the number believing that after six years the studio was still ready for me!! They were!!

 “Mr. Grady will see you on Thursday at 10:00 am”. I was beaming.

I walked in Thursday morning and saw this man behind his desk. He had his shirt unbutton three buttons with several gold chains and a hairy chest.  His hair was dyed unnaturally brown. I told him my story. He wasn’t moved.

So many times we have a dream or goal, and others aren’t impressed or interested…and thats ok. Its your vision, not theirs.

 His voice was cartoonish as he looked me over “whatcha got toots?” I don’t remember everything he said, just that it’s a “hard road sweety, but it can pay off if you can stick it out.  You gotta have thick skin do you have thick skin hon? We need to see a little of whacha got.”… Suddenly it was as if the curtain had been pulled back from OZ, and there was no Wizard!  I wasn’t sad.  I was relieved. 

 He told me all the steps to take and scheduled another appointment, but I knew I wouldn’t be back. As I drove back to Memphis, I cried.  I cried because I fixated myself on something that truly didn’t line up with my HEART.  I wanted to minister with my lyrics and had thought that was my only path.

 At that moment I set a goal.  This year I will minister with my songs to 10,000 people.  I didn’t know how.  But I started downtown Memphis with a homeless man.  I came home and wrote Mr. Such and Such.  He was 1. Then I counted two.  I went to nursing homes and counted 30 here and there.  Opportunities began to arise left and right.  As the year ended, I looked at my journal, and I was nearly 1000 short of my goal.

 The next week I was invited to sing for 15 min every hour at a civic center in Memphis feeding 1000 people for Thanksgiving Dinner. That was 1993. God did it, but I had to make the effort.

Exercise Helps Me Balance Life

For the last two weeks I have felt off. I couldn’t put my finger on why. I haven’t slept good at all. I wake up around 2:00 am, or sometimes don’t even close my eyes until 2:00 am. Swirling thoughts. John Mayer song lyrics that start over and over on the same spot. Ideas of things to do at an event center. Disappointments. Overwhelming sadness about a movie I remember, children on the streets, broken homes. 

I breathe. I pray. I breathe some more. I found myself saying outloud “I feel so anxious about something” or “I am so emotional for some reason.” 

I had a vision of scales sitting on the table. On one side was the physical things I did for myself and others, and the other side spiritual side. I was praying and breathing, and even speaking positive things. I was doing things for others, but it was still off balance.

I was taking time for me by getting in the sauna, reading a book, dreaming big dreams, but the scale was still tipped. When was the last time I exercised? When had I last hugged a stranger? Hmmm. 

So, I went to the gym. I did 35 min of cardio and light weights. It felt good. I felt relief. Look up the benefits of exercise. When we exercise our brains release dopamine and endorphins that are feel good drugs! They actually work to decrease depression, anxiety and mental stability! Studies show it can reduce memory loss and increase brain neurons. We all need that! 

Staying balanced is such a huge thing. As I continually examine my life, I imagine the scales loaded with beans on each side. Each day I add a little something here and there to create a volatile scale. Too much of anything can throw you off. How are your scales looking?

Imagination-BIG EVENT

Maybe you enjoy a safe place of comfort where you know every thing that is going to happen every day. Your job is secure and you leave at 5:00 pm knowing tomorrow when I arrive, everything will be just as I left it. That has never been me. I have often WISHED that I could rest in “this is this” and “that is that”. But, thats just not me, my husband or my daughter.

I wake up wondering and looking for something new. Maybe it is a blessing I get or give. Maybe it’s a connection I didn't expect. Most often, it is an idea.

What if I did this?

I think I could do that!

I think I’ll start a business.

I think I’ll be a photographer.

I have never imagined something that I couldn’t figure out a way to make it happen on my own (with Gods help of course)… UNTIL NOW.

I have a GIGANTIC IDEA. It’s bigger than me, bigger than Tuscaloosa, and quite frankly, bigger than Alabama. I have a plan to open the best, most beautiful Event Center in the south. It is a multi million dollar plan, and I don’t have that kind of money. I want the McFarland Mall, which is currently being torn down.

I am believing this idea was given to me for a specific reason that is more than an “event center”. I can’t get into details of how I feel, because it will sound weird, but something is brewing spiritually and I can’t quite put my finger on.

A Time to Heal

It has been nearly two months since I typed anything here. I was on the verge of a divorce last time I wrote. The lawyer had been paid and I was ready to start a new life without the chaos of the man I was with. One day we spent 12 hours texting nonsense back and forth, which sent me to a new level of disgust.

Then I got the text, “Cody has had a massive heart attack. He is waiting on a heart transplant.” Cody is 30 years old and in great shape. He is a personal trainer and musician/singer. He is the son of friends of ours. Suddenly everything we were fighting about seemed so small. I was hurting for Cody’s mom and dad who had lost their other son to a heroine overdose a few years back. I was speechless. I burst into tears.

The next day I walked into the garage and saw our dog laying limp and lifeless next to a pile of dog crap. His last act on this earth was to let loose of his bowels. The stench of my dog and the stench in my soul prompted me to send a text to him that said “isn’t it crazy that other people are having real problems and we are creating stuff and calling it a problem.”

My heart and mind began to move another direction. Were we really giving it our best in this relationship? Am I really my best me? Is he really his best him? Are we allowing outside forces in our home and causing problems? Are we truly treasuring one another? Are we loving like we could lose one another at any time? What could we change? How could we change? Was I changing through my new rituals of breathing, praying and flipping my hour glass?

Two days later we called our lawyers and asked them to stop everything. We made a decision to be focused on one another. To be attentive to what is causing pain. We decided to communicate more of what is on our minds instead of holding it all in until an explosion occurred.

We began to flip our hourglass together and breathe in Gods goodness and flip again to pray. Every morning we do this together. If one of us is out of town, we FaceTime our prayer time.

I have felt myself changing gears in this life. Maybe some people slow down at 53, but I feel momentum building and a sense that these next 50 years are going to be an awe filled adventure.

The Flamingo

Sunday in Gulf Shores, AL, was FUNday. My daughter and I woke up pretty early and had a super great devotion. We flipped our hourglass, prayed outloud, discussed life, love, Jesus, God and people we wanted to pray for. We sipped our coffee and felt a great sense of mental and spiritual growth just from the conversations.

We were both planning on leaving town. She was headed back to Atlanta and me to Tuscaloosa. We decided on lunch at the Sunset Grille in Perdido Key. Its sits directly east on the bay so that the sun sets straight on! No masks required in Florida, and things seemed slightly back to pre 2020.

Honking and yelling at people out of the window is something that we both find extremely fun. It is as fun to me as a roller coaster ride. We put on songs that you can’t resist singing and dancing to. If you are one of those people that hear a song and hum along or tap your foot, you just don’t know the exhaustion that comes from being us. I call it the creative curse. The curse or analyzing a songs production. The curse of trying to figure out the lyrics true meanings. The curse of “what if we” and “I wish we could”. But at these moments of pure exhilaration when the right song hits, all heaven breaks loose in our cars. Arms and legs flail. Neck veins bulge! Hair blows wildly as we point at random things as if they are fans in the audience that are enamored with our sudden burst of unconfined excitement!!

Old and young, male and female yell back and sing along. People wave. We are a one vehicle parade!

After miles and miles of honking and singing, slowing down to nearly a stop so that someone could finish their own snapchat of us singing “I CAME IN LIKE A WRECKING BALL.” (Miley would have been proud) suddenly our fun came to an abrupt end.

I had jumped out of the car after pulling over on the side of the road. I sat on the hood and sang in an empty parking lot. No harm. We found a beach ball stuck in a bush and I’m thinking that is where the demise began….

Juke Box Hero is blaring. We are driving. We stop at a red light. Suddenly, my daughter is getting out of the car and running towards a large corner or faded pink plastic flamingos! I am mortified. What is happening?? The light turns green and I have to go. There are people behind me. I pull off at the next turn and see my 25 year old running down the highway in her chetah print skirt split clear up to the ying yang! She’s trying to hold it together but the large flamingo is awkwardly bouncing around with every stride. I turn the music down because everyone in the Dominoes outdoor seating area is staring and videoing by this time.

Out of breathe she yells open the door!

NO.

Open the door mom!

No.

MOOOOOOOOM. Help!!

Stick it in the ground!!

She frantically sticks it in the ground and I let her in. We head out and around the back of the restaurant and a dude in a Mustang starts to pin us in with his car. Walking towards us is a lady videoing. He steps out of his car. He is huge! Scruffy! He could have been the bouncer at any local club, but he was the Ice Cream Shop bouncer!! He walks to the car and says “YO BRO, GIVE ME BACK MY FLAMINGO”.

We are shaking. My daughter gets out to go retrieve the Flamingo while others reprimand us with wagging fingers.

As we pulled off I explained that stealing on every level is wrong and how bad it was to do something like that. You can get shot for taking other peoples property or end out in jail!

Her response “I SAW THE FLAMINGOS AND WANTED TO GET OUT AND DO SOMETHING FUN WITH THEM, BUT WHEN I GOT TO THEM, I COULDN’T THINK OF ANYTHING FUN TO DO.” HAHAHAHAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA

We pulled off and I played AJR’s song ‘100 bad days make 100 good stories. 100 good stories make me interesting at parties!” HAHAHAHAH

The Perch

It was a hectic weekend with three weddings and a reception. Exhausting, but exhilarating. My daughter came to the beach to help me with the beach weddings. After the rehearsal on Friday night, we went to a new place called “The Perch”. It sits up high and looks out over the sunset of the Gulf of Mexico. The outdoor area has couches shaped in a square with round tables on every corner and a large fire pit in the middle. There are many pods to choose from. Pods with groups of laughing women, men sharing stories, couples snuggling, and then the dark one with no fire and no people. That was ours! We wanted to start our own pod, light our own fire and get our pod going!

You order food and drinks at the bar. As we perused the wine menu, SaVanna phoned a wine connossieur who suggested the blah blah blah. “We sell that by the glass now if you don’t want to get the. bottle”, our server in suspenders explained. THE BOTTLE, we replied. We always turn to each other and begin justifying WHY we ordered the bottle and how many glasses are in each bottle along with “its cheaper to order the bottle than pay $20 a glass”. Why we can’t just say we will take the bottle and then look straight ahead is beyond me. LOL!

Waiting for our bottle to arrive, we chit chat in our pod. Mr. Suspenders lights our fire and we cheer. Like he has done something grand by clicking and sticking a lighter to the gas. “YESSSS, WE LOVE A MAN IN SUSPENDERS!” one of us says while the other fist pumps over a lit fire.

Our pod is coming to life. Two cute women, a $100 bottle of wine and a fire. We both secretly hope someone looks at our bottle of wine since it isn’t “Barefoot or Kendall Jackson” and we are feeling proud of ourselves.

As the pod fills up, so do we. Our food comes and we nibble and laugh. I can’t remember any of our conversation. Not because of the wine, but because we can talk about nothingness and still enjoy it or deep things that we discuss and bury.

It’s a Miami vibe we would repeat throughout the night. (neither of us have ever been to Miami, but somehow we know the vibe!)

When we returned to the condo, the female guard asked me to try her” neck hammock” “it’s just $49.95 if you like it”. So after a great night at The Perch, I laid in the floor with this strangers neck hammock tied to the door and my neck dangling six inches from the floor. My daughter videoed it and put it on her story. Thats when she received the STRANGEST message that read “You have a Montain Brook low-key 30something hood dad fan club and when you post something with you and your mom the squad gets crazy lit”

That entire phrase has cracked me up every time I think of it.

Hey Hood Dad Fan Club,

Would love to know who you are and what you are doing to get lit in Mountain Brook!

Remember When

Remember when you thought about that person all the time. Wondered what they were doing at all times of the day? Was it just me or was anyone else looking up the zodiac signs to see if we were a match and if the stars truly aligned for us? Saying my first name with his last name to see how it sounded. Imagining all sorts of crazy sexual thoughts that you had no business thinking and saying out loud “Jesus what is wrong with me?!”

Remember when you would a hear a song and your mind went straight to him/her? The only thing on your mind was the simplicity of the relationship. I want you and you want me. You don’t want to go nights without seeing each other and certainly not nights without speaking on the phone. “Have you heard that song ___? Well listen” he would say. “Reminds me of us.” I would listen. “I liked it! Listen to this one___!” It was ongoing because the music made us feel and think about each other.

“Good Morning beautiful!!!” Is how the conversation for the day would begin. “Couldn’t get you off my mind” Then slowly the fire that had you burning with lust begins to throw off less heat. Morning turns into lunch time or evening and you realize the things that made you giddy aren’t there anymore. Excuses are made for why you can’t talk, or why you are too busy to meet. Women are funny! The things that have made me walk away from a man are crazy!

I once dated a helicopter pilot who was so hot! He was stationed near my college. I remember him telling me one night “Elvis was not really that good of a singer”. It took everything in me to stick it out the rest of the night. Another time this guy I had been seeing was so altogether perfect! Body like Hercules and a heart of gold. We had been hanging out for about a month and one night I went to leave and I had a flat tire. I walked back inside and he had taken off his shirt after I had left. When he walked to the car to fix my tire, I saw his back was covered in the thickest black hair I had ever seen on a man. I don’t think we went out again and I couldn’t explain why. So petty and vain of me.

I remember another guy that had large boils on his back. He would ask me to pop them. I repeatedly said NO. (I didn't want to see them, much less pop them) I guess because he couldn’t get rid of the boils it was a deal breaker for me. I wanted to rub a mans back in the relationship. LOL. Another guy had stinky feet so I wondered if his penus and booty hole stunk. Done there.

Remember when you thought lust was love, and love was lust? Lust doesn't really hurt when you brake it off, but breaking off love can really destroy you.

Remember when love was broken?

Moooooood Swang.

Woke up heavy hearted but went straight to my hourglass. (The thing I flip in the morning to begin prayer and meditation) Hot cup of Starbuck Sumatra Bold in hand. Dogs still curled up and its dark outside. Barely 5:30 am. I say my prayers breathing deep. I’m drinking from a cup that says. “Best Day Ever” that was given to me by a friend. I finish and my morning feels better. I open my computer and KABOOOOOOM.

Hit by a grenade at 5:51. My hands shake and my eyes bulge out of my socket. My tongue begins to salivate and I whisper out loud the words I’m reading on the screen in my messages from him. (reader knows '“him” is my soon to be ex-husband)

“Be nice or I’ll cut your phone completely off”. I rage and my fingers begin to the frantically type. “Beep you beep beep you beep beep”. I looked at the words and decided to clean it up a bit. With one paragraph all my tranquil breathing and focus on today being great went right out the window. I’m going to close my computer now and regroup.

I spent yesterday at the lawyers office. I went to try to finalize what I was asking for. Half of what my lawyer suggested I turned down. “He owes you this”, she has said many times. I want to be fair. “This is fair!” she repeats. He spent yesterday with his lawyer too. Guess it felt like a battle ground worthy of throwing a grenade instead of firing a pellet gun at me, but I’ve been hit!! Medic!

I Am Turning Your Phone OFF

Yep. Last night I blocked him. However, when I woke up this morning and turned on my Mac Computer, there it was. “Be nice or I’ll turn your phone all the way off”. Are you FREAKING KIDDING ME. Turn my phone off at 53. Next thing you know he will take my keys and send me to bed with no supper. I mean seriously??

TURN MY PHONE OFF YOU SON OF A BISCUIT EATER. Its 2021 and I can turn it back on without a permission slip. And guess what? I don’t need you to sign my report card either!!

Yep!

Recently I had a door mat custom made that says “Yep…” It was the only thing I could think of to sum up how I feel these days. Three letters that I seem to use so much lately. I may have it tattooed on my big toe and start a Yep Club. Showing up to the Yep Club means that you must have the word yep on your body somewhere. Hat. Shirt. Socks. Black Sharpie pen that strategically has it somewhere. If you can’t say Yep to at three of the ten questions you are asked when you arrive, you won’t be able to enter.

1. Have you or your child ever just taken off somewhere with no idea how it was gonna end up?

2. Have you or your child ever danced in a store aisle because you loved the song?

3. Have you or your child ever mixed apple cider, turmeric, ginger and cayenne pepper and drank it as a shot for weeks because someone told you to?

4. Have you or your child ever been misdiagnosed with a killer disease only to find out it was a false positive?

5. Have you or your child ever been picked up by the heavy weight boxing champion of the world and taken to a strange location where a JUJU priest tried to cleanse you?

6. Have you ever checked yourself out of rehab because you refuse to lie about drinking at the family tailgate?

7. Have you ever been told by your kid “I withdrew from college. I’m leaving Monday to go work for Snoop Dogg and Bullside Management”?

8. Have you or your child ever been told “That’s a bad idea” but did it anyway?

9. Have you or your child ever bought a camper on New Years Eve to start a new life?

10. Have you or your child ever just wanted to help others but can’t figure out how?

If you can answer yep to at least three questions you can join. If you can answer yes to eight of those questions you are a Yep Club Mentor. If you answered Yep to nine or more, you qualify to run for Vice President of the Yep Club and you can comment below if you are interested.