I’ve Been Stumped
Several months ago something happened that sent me into a downward spiral. There are these combinations of lifetime patterns that create disappointment and regret, and I thought I was in a place in my life, marriage, and family that I was maturing and handling the “things” better. The previous month I had experienced a few issues that were similar, and I can only describe to you what I felt and what my mind saw. (Let me add that I WAS AT FAULT, and I take responsibility for my actions.)
I could see myself as this great big beautiful tree with long branches and shiny green leaves, and with each disappointment the previous month, it felt like an axe whacked a chunk out of my trunk. Suddenly, and without warning the last event felt like a chainsaw had cut me completely down. Within 24 hours I had gone from feeling happy and content to miserable and lost.
I could see the tree (which was me) laying on the ground and I knew it couldn’t be added back to the stump. As bad as I wanted to be that tree again, I knew I never would be. I was the stump. Lifeless. Feeling that my purpose was gone. Miserable as a stump, because I liked being a tree!
As day after day passed, the leaves turned brown, and I cried secretly in my closet just once. After that I felt no emotion at all. Not even real sadness. Just complete loss. I couldn’t formulate my prayers just right. I didn't want to see anyone, because I can’t hide my emotions and I knew they would know something was off. My sadness moved to full out depression within a month. I stumbled through week after week for 8 weeks. TWO MONTHS. Thank God it was only two months. THEN ONE DAY I HAD A VISION. MAYBE THIS VISION IS FOR YOU AND GOD ALLOWED ME TO EXPERIENCE BEING STUMPED TO SHARE THIS WITH YOU.
Here it is:
I saw people making things out of the tree that had been cut down. There was a table and chairs, a swing, a baby bed and lumber that was being used to built a house. I couldn’t believe it. That old me laying on the ground was being used. God let me know that when you are cut down, understand that the season for that part of you is over. You are being cut down or pruned for a reason. There is a new purpose for your life. That stump that looks and feels so lifeless has roots far deeper and stronger than branches that can be broken or chopped on.
No longer the big tree that is strong enough to hold up a swing or give shelter, but instead a stump. A stump that looked dead to me in the mirror. But as I stuck to the principles and beliefs that tell me God is ALWAYS with me and GOD has my future in his hands, I would pray these words, “God help me. God help Ken. God help the world.” That was all I could really get out. Suddenly, as I watched others enjoying parts of my dead tree, sprigs of life began to pop up from the stump. I realized I was turning into a different form of the tree, but with the same roots! A bush! LOL! (I told my friend I needed to find ways to use my bush and she laughed)
Anyway, so many things can chop down your tree. Divorce. Suicide. Empty Nest. Sickness. Incarceration. Job loss. Pandemic. Being bullied. Death. Feeling useless because of something someone says
I am here to tell you that without God in my corner, I don’t see how it is possible to recover. God gave me the vision, and I know that being a stump is real. If you are “stumped” today, begin to name your roots. Those roots go deep and they are called LOVE, JOY, PEACE, LONG SUFFERING, FORGIVENESS, GENTLENESS, KINDNESS, MEEKNESS, HEALING, STRENGTH, HOLY SPIRIT, FAMILY. Whatever it is, you can be ok. Just wait for it and know that its ok to be depressed, but recognize it as temporary and just keep telling yourself “this is not me and my healing is on the way.” Denounce Satans lies each time they run through your mind. Speak out loud to yourself the name of Jesus.
