Moooooood Swang.

Woke up heavy hearted but went straight to my hourglass. (The thing I flip in the morning to begin prayer and meditation) Hot cup of Starbuck Sumatra Bold in hand. Dogs still curled up and its dark outside. Barely 5:30 am. I say my prayers breathing deep. I’m drinking from a cup that says. “Best Day Ever” that was given to me by a friend. I finish and my morning feels better. I open my computer and KABOOOOOOM.

Hit by a grenade at 5:51. My hands shake and my eyes bulge out of my socket. My tongue begins to salivate and I whisper out loud the words I’m reading on the screen in my messages from him. (reader knows '“him” is my soon to be ex-husband)

“Be nice or I’ll cut your phone completely off”. I rage and my fingers begin to the frantically type. “Beep you beep beep you beep beep”. I looked at the words and decided to clean it up a bit. With one paragraph all my tranquil breathing and focus on today being great went right out the window. I’m going to close my computer now and regroup.

I spent yesterday at the lawyers office. I went to try to finalize what I was asking for. Half of what my lawyer suggested I turned down. “He owes you this”, she has said many times. I want to be fair. “This is fair!” she repeats. He spent yesterday with his lawyer too. Guess it felt like a battle ground worthy of throwing a grenade instead of firing a pellet gun at me, but I’ve been hit!! Medic!