The Hourglass
I have wanted to write for the last few weeks, but my head and heart wouldn’t even let me log in. I have realized since moving out of my bedroom and “up the hall” to another room that my life is definitely out of whack! I kept asking myself How do you refocus. How can I stop repeating in my mind the same stupid phrases, fights or scenarios.
I remember telling my daughter that I just couldn’t figure out what to change She said “EVERYTHING”. That didn’t help at all. I need a script, an outline, a punch list. Where do I start and end?
Over the last few weeks, nothing on tv is interesting to me. Its a time filler. I have begun watching more Bible discussions and group therapy sessions on tv but they aren’t that good. Old friends from the past are calling more, but still I keep trying to figure WHAT is my purpose right now?
This morning was different. I didn’t wake up and look at my phone. I made my coffee and sat in my chair alone in my room. I wanted to set an alarm for five minutes, but I didn’t do it on my phone, because I knew picking up my phone was a potential for distraction. There would be a notification that would pull me in and get me thinking about something random instead of focusing on praising God today.
For five minutes or so I just breathed. I said thank you Jesus. God I give you my life and my pain. My focus. My heart. Forgive my stupidity. Lead me. Guide me. Teach me. Mold me. But in each of those thoughts I just breathed. In those moments I decided I would order a five minute hourglass (and I did. It was only $10.) Every morning after making coffee, I will flip the hourglass and for those five minutes, as sand pours slowly out I will breathe, pray, and praise. As my hours and days slip by like sand though the hourglass, I accept that I am where I am physically and mentally for a season.
What is different now is that before, I would lay in my bed, say some prayers or maybe pray while i’m putting on make up. Making a deliberate choice to flip the hourglass and remain in my alone time with God for five minutes is the first thing I will do to create change in me and my circumstances. No reading, no music, just me hopefully hearing from God.
