New Years Eve
I don’t know about you, but New Years Eve has always been a big deal to me. A very special time. It is one of those holidays that are built up in the movies where confetti drops, champagne pops and you get this great big embrace from your partner. You kiss and the fireworks boom! I have had only a few of those in the last 30 years, but mostly during my married life its been either us not speaking, me cooking something, watching tv, or him going to a ballgame (its the Saban Era, so Alabama has had a lot of New Years Eve interferences LOL!) I can remember a couple of parties 20 years ago by our friends Tim and Lea, and once we spent it at the beach. That was so awesome! But other than that, I don’t really remember anything special we have done.
I remember watching a couple at the bar at Brick and Spoon arguing New Years morning 2018. I was sorry for the two of them. I imagined different scenarios that had put them in a foul mood.
In 2013, I looked at his Facebook messenger and saw some woman carrying on with my husband. There was nothing sexual. Just conversation. She was giving him her work number, her home number and her emergency number. His response was “I hope we don’t have an emergency”.
I contacted her and told her I was his wife, and if there was an emergency I would be the one creating it. She responded “OK. Well I’m sure you have heard of me”. No fool. I have not.
The next day he was leaving for a hunting trip. I was in a state of rage at finding the messages and I wish I could tell you what I said to him. However, my body went hot, my veins bulged, my eyesight narrowed to only his face and phone and all I can say is that whatever came out of my mouth would have been foul and manic. He began recording me and said he was sending it to his friend Joey for safe keeping. Like a viper by hand swatted the phone to the floor cracking it. He picked it up and started again. “Look at her!” I grabbed the phone and he grabbed my hand twisting my fingers back, so I let go. I moved out for a few months. New Years Eve I cried that year.
New Years Eve 2019 was the most fun I can remember! Let me give you the set up. He has a friend name Kim Painter. She’s one of those “pick me girls” as my daughter describes it. She loves texting my husband with things that feed his “angry” side. Sometimes she will text him five or six times a day. It’s not every day. Just sporadically. She’s the kind of woman that says “oh Ticia. I love you. You are what is in important to him. Not me” (actual text) Really? Do I need the peanut gallery at 53? Or “Ken and I have always just been there to comfort one another. We’ve both just been through so much”. She spent 5 days with us in 2019. It was torture.. I’ll spare the details for now. That situation deserves its on conversation. Very fake and not someone I enjoy visiting with.
Anyway, she left. I told him about the many annoyances I had experienced and how she was quiet possibly the most unenjoyable person I had been around. A few weeks later, I looked at his phone, and he was already giving dates for the following year for her to come back and and stay with us. I kept it to myself, but I’m infuriated. It’s November and Alabama vs Auburn Iron Bowl game is playing. We are sitting on the couch. I’m drinking wine. He is texting all his buddies including Kim. The wine had me over emotional of course but there had been a huge argument with me and my daughter a few days earlier and life was a little touchy.
I looked at his phone when he went to the restroom and saw she was asking “where is Ticia?” My only thoughts were get my NAME out of your mouth! I said something to him when he returned about she needs to mind her business and funny he had sent her a selfie from Baumhauers early in the day but didn’t send me one. Argument followed. He told me he wished I had never come back from the beach. Within 10 minutes I had my car loaded with my clothes and dog and pulled out headed to Orange Beach, AL, to live in our efficiency unit. There I remained for six weeks. I sent mean messages to him and Kim. I was too mad to stop myself.
There was no family Christmas. I had put up the Christmas decor the week before Thanksgiving, but I would not see them again until January 6 when I came home. I took them down and cried in my closet at the disfunction.
BUT!! During all of this New Years Eve arrived. I called my friend Tammy and my sister, Wendy. I bought us tickets to a concert at the Flora Bama. We all met at Sugar Beach where I was staying and called an uber. We got in the uber and I started singing Shania Twain lets go girls! The driver started playing it.
Flora Bama was shoulder to shoulder, pre-pandemic. The band was playing old music and I new every word to every song nearly. I nudged in between two ladies and it started an argument. I was trying to not pay attention and jut look over the balcony when suddenly I bumped a drink that was left on the bannister and it fell in the girls lap. She jumped and yelled at me a string of things while her boyfriend pulled her away. Security was called and a guy steps up and says “ladies follow me if you want to go to VIP.” VIP?? He escorted us to the small area separated for VIP next to the band. We danced and sang for four hours. The girl hanging over the bannister was still there watching us overhead. The man who had escorted us to VIP was her brother! He thought it was funny. For those four hours I had forgotten about him. I had forgotten about the insaneness of the way he and I act and react. I forgot all pain that is associated with the holidays. I just jumped around and sang.
The countdown began 10, 9, 8, 7. The clock struck midnight and everyone yelled Happy New Year!! I looked around and saw a guy with a beer and a beard. He was about 6 foot tall and weighed around 300 lbs. I yelled HEY! Grabbed his head and kissed him. Then I turned to Tammy and gave her a peck just being silly, but I was happy. My sister said she was uncomfortable with the whole thing and I was out of control. I’m not sure who the man was or where he was from, pretty sure he was only in his 20’s, but if I could do New Years Eve all over again, nothing would change it.
The truth was, he had not done anything wrong other than texting a woman that is no threat at all. But saying he wished I had not come back made me feel disrespected. I took it as permanent and he meant for the weekend. What kept me at the beach for six weeks was the texting and emailing. We sent the most hateful and uncalled for messages back and forth. Emotionally charged nonsense. I even texted Kim and let her know what I thought of her. I still think everything I thought, plus some. I should have worded it differently though. But of all the things I said about him, I didn’t mean 30 percent of it.
December 30, 2020 I received a text message (because we weren’t speaking at all) that said “Headed to Dallas for the game. Be back Sunday” My response, “This is the last New Years Eve I will spend alone.” New Years Eve I bought me a 20 ft camper and made plans to change my lifestyle and make 2021 different. My heart wanted to make things right, but my head said this time feels very different. WE shouldn’t be acting the same way in our 50’s as we did in our 20’s. No growth.
I believe that if there is a person of the opposite sex texting your spouse and it causes you ay type of emotion it should be stopped. Thats just my opinion.
What did I learn?
What could I change?
Did my actions say one thing and my heart wanted another thing?
Again, no self control. I let an annoyance from another situation bleed into what was happening in the present. I also learned that wine makes me whiny sometimes. It stimulates my emotions positively or negatively depending on the situation. I read more into the situation. When he said something about me not coming back from the beach I took it as permanent and not a passing comment.
Understanding not to react while I am not completely stone cold sober. Maybe tell myself this isn’t what it seems. Just relax. Breathe. No texting or emailing when you are angry.
Absolutely my actions said I am angry and my heart was just sad and mad. Mad he was planning her a trip back to my house, mad she was asking about me.
My actions were to make you feel what I am feeling. Betrayal, anger, disgust, lack of respect. There is no winner in this. Words Hurt. Words Kill or Heal a relationship.
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